One of the Facebook Apps I really like is one that allows me to supposedly get a message from God on a daily basis. The message I got today was this:
"On this day, God wants you to know that it's never too late to get back on track. Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light."
While the said app is definitely man-made and made up of probably thousands of inspirational messages meant to motivate people and I know that there is no divine intervention in the said app, thus it can never really be a message coming from God especially for me. I do notice though that more often than not, the messages I get are reflective of what I'm going through for that specific day....
And now, a few more days before I become an employee again, I'm totally lost as to what the message meant. For almost a year, I have continuously convinced myself that I am not supposed to imprison myself on the four corners of my workstation and to commit myself on a 9-hour shift 5 days (or nights) a week. Yet, I now unwillingly find myself a little excited (and nervous) that I will be working again. Why? Because this is the only way I know where I can get a fixed pay just by coming in for work on the scheduled dates and times. Because at this point, this is the only way out for me in order to pay off my loans and to have a decent life where I wouldn't have to rely on the mercy of others in order to live a decent life. Because this is what I have been doing to survive for the past 7 years.
I know that this is really not part of my plans, and I am thankful that I am just giving myself 6 to 9 months to go through something I don't want to do... And when I got "God's message" so to speak, I am quite confused if this refers to my going back to work or if it's referring to another thing.
At this point, I really don't know what to think. I'm just living my life one day at a time. And although I still have no clue as to what God really has in store for me, I'm hoping that I'll soon find out. Probably what the message really meant about going back on track is being able to take control of my life, of my finances, of my obligations, and of everything else. On the other hand, it might mean that I should really get serious in getting back on the road towards God.
Recently, I've had a few experiences that I cannot explain, but I am still a big work in progress. It's been a while since I've really felt I have a close connection with God. And every time I try to reconnect, I am not able to sustain the connection.
Right now, I have a few coins in my pocket. I have nothing in my bank account, and I am thankful I have my mom to support me and my family until we get our normal life back. I am still not sure if the decisions I am making are the right ones, but I am just blurting out what's on my mind in the hope that this will help me have a clearer grasp on things and a better understanding of what God really wants to tell me and my husband.
What I have realized at this point is that maybe, God is telling me that I still haven't surrendered everything to Him. I want to, but I still don't trust Him enough to believe that He can give me anything if He wants to and that He has a great plan in store for me and my family if only I let Him manage my life for me.
The next time I speak my mind, I am hoping I would have a better understanding of what I need to do with my life. For now, the best thing I can probably do is to learn how to let go of all my worries and just have complete faith that God has a bigger plan, and that I am one of the major players in His plan.
:)
