Pissed Off

I'm at the clinic right now... waiting for my daughter's pedia to arrive. She hit her nose last night and it bled a little so I need to be sure everything is fine with her. I'm pissed big time. I'm not even sure if the person concerned would know or read this post. This is the first time I've tried posting through my phone so I'm not even sure that this will be posted. I just need to vent. Why can't some people grow up? Why is it too hard for some people to be a man and be responsible. Right now I feel worse than a single mom. I am supposed to have a partner, someone with whom I can share my joys and pains with, but now I just feel so alone. I do not need a physical companion. I need someone who can be with me emotionally. I do not need a 29-year old fully grown man tagging along like a kid. And I am pissed because I can't do anything about it! Right now I hate myself and I hate my life!!!

Deja Vu

Here I am, with 7 articles due in less than two hours, and I am writing a post for my own blog. I guess I just needed some sort of a warm up. Sounds like something I have already written before, yes. When I was at the height of freelance writing a few months back, I suddenly came to a point where I was just staring at the screen and I could not type any more words to finish my projects.

I always have a fear that this might happen again, so instead of focusing on honing my skills as a freelance writer, I tend to deviate and look for other, less risky ways to earn me income - fixed income that is.

For 6 months I did enjoy another stint at employment. I met new friends, got to stick around old ones and catch up, but my life was far from perfect. My kid went back to being a delinquent student, incurring lates and absences here and there (and mind you she's only in her first grade). My husband and I always had petty fights, almost about everything. The only thing normal about my life was that - fixed income. That's what I signed up for anyway, right?

Now that I'm back to being an unemployed stay at home mom, my life still isn't perfect. I totally suck as a homemaker. I know how to cook a few dishes, but I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of time management issues, and I am still struggling with having to balance working from home and doing household chores.

But this is not a deja vu of what happened months ago. Now that I know what my priorities are, I will never succumb to fear anymore. Yes, writer's block can happen any time (I can now associate it with stroke). But I refuse to succumb to it.

I miss my friends. I miss having my pay conveniently credited in my payroll account twice a month. I miss my friends. But I guess that's a sacrifice I have to make in order to spend quality time with my family and in order to become what I have dreamed of since I was little - a close to perfect wife and mother that can handle everything around the house while earning a few bucks here and there.

Now that I have vented out, enough of this emo stuff since I still have 7 articles to complete within less than two hours! :)