Deja Vu

Here I am, with 7 articles due in less than two hours, and I am writing a post for my own blog. I guess I just needed some sort of a warm up. Sounds like something I have already written before, yes. When I was at the height of freelance writing a few months back, I suddenly came to a point where I was just staring at the screen and I could not type any more words to finish my projects.

I always have a fear that this might happen again, so instead of focusing on honing my skills as a freelance writer, I tend to deviate and look for other, less risky ways to earn me income - fixed income that is.

For 6 months I did enjoy another stint at employment. I met new friends, got to stick around old ones and catch up, but my life was far from perfect. My kid went back to being a delinquent student, incurring lates and absences here and there (and mind you she's only in her first grade). My husband and I always had petty fights, almost about everything. The only thing normal about my life was that - fixed income. That's what I signed up for anyway, right?

Now that I'm back to being an unemployed stay at home mom, my life still isn't perfect. I totally suck as a homemaker. I know how to cook a few dishes, but I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of time management issues, and I am still struggling with having to balance working from home and doing household chores.

But this is not a deja vu of what happened months ago. Now that I know what my priorities are, I will never succumb to fear anymore. Yes, writer's block can happen any time (I can now associate it with stroke). But I refuse to succumb to it.

I miss my friends. I miss having my pay conveniently credited in my payroll account twice a month. I miss my friends. But I guess that's a sacrifice I have to make in order to spend quality time with my family and in order to become what I have dreamed of since I was little - a close to perfect wife and mother that can handle everything around the house while earning a few bucks here and there.

Now that I have vented out, enough of this emo stuff since I still have 7 articles to complete within less than two hours! :)