Pissed Off

I'm at the clinic right now... waiting for my daughter's pedia to arrive. She hit her nose last night and it bled a little so I need to be sure everything is fine with her. I'm pissed big time. I'm not even sure if the person concerned would know or read this post. This is the first time I've tried posting through my phone so I'm not even sure that this will be posted. I just need to vent. Why can't some people grow up? Why is it too hard for some people to be a man and be responsible. Right now I feel worse than a single mom. I am supposed to have a partner, someone with whom I can share my joys and pains with, but now I just feel so alone. I do not need a physical companion. I need someone who can be with me emotionally. I do not need a 29-year old fully grown man tagging along like a kid. And I am pissed because I can't do anything about it! Right now I hate myself and I hate my life!!!

Deja Vu

Here I am, with 7 articles due in less than two hours, and I am writing a post for my own blog. I guess I just needed some sort of a warm up. Sounds like something I have already written before, yes. When I was at the height of freelance writing a few months back, I suddenly came to a point where I was just staring at the screen and I could not type any more words to finish my projects.

I always have a fear that this might happen again, so instead of focusing on honing my skills as a freelance writer, I tend to deviate and look for other, less risky ways to earn me income - fixed income that is.

For 6 months I did enjoy another stint at employment. I met new friends, got to stick around old ones and catch up, but my life was far from perfect. My kid went back to being a delinquent student, incurring lates and absences here and there (and mind you she's only in her first grade). My husband and I always had petty fights, almost about everything. The only thing normal about my life was that - fixed income. That's what I signed up for anyway, right?

Now that I'm back to being an unemployed stay at home mom, my life still isn't perfect. I totally suck as a homemaker. I know how to cook a few dishes, but I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of time management issues, and I am still struggling with having to balance working from home and doing household chores.

But this is not a deja vu of what happened months ago. Now that I know what my priorities are, I will never succumb to fear anymore. Yes, writer's block can happen any time (I can now associate it with stroke). But I refuse to succumb to it.

I miss my friends. I miss having my pay conveniently credited in my payroll account twice a month. I miss my friends. But I guess that's a sacrifice I have to make in order to spend quality time with my family and in order to become what I have dreamed of since I was little - a close to perfect wife and mother that can handle everything around the house while earning a few bucks here and there.

Now that I have vented out, enough of this emo stuff since I still have 7 articles to complete within less than two hours! :)

Major Blog Overhaul = Major Liefestyle Overhaul

Finally, I had some free time in my hands to update the layout of my blog. It's nothing much but for me the new view is decent enough to accommodate everything I want to fit into this small virtual space of mine.

This should also pave the way for the launch of my additional blog sites. Why am I doing this now? Let's just say that at this point my future is very unclear. Last week, we were handed a notice that our team's employment contract will end on December 5 instead of December 31 as originally scheduled. After December 5, I'll be a bum again (or a full time network marketer if I choose to be one again).

I really don't know what's waiting for me a few weeks from now. All I know is that if I am ever going to pull off this blogging thingie, now is the best place for me to start.

My next assignment: learn more about what feeds and feedburners are for... I really don't have any clue whatsoever. There's really a lot of stuff going on with blogging, and it's been going on for years. I hope I'll have enough time for the next few days to stay away from playing The Sims and focus on how I can turn this hobby into a money-making machine! :)

Lessons I Learned from Watching Barbie Movies

I thought about this topic 4 months ago (draft saved 05/18/2011 to be exact). Now that I have some free time on my hands, I'm in the mood to finish this post. After reading my previous entry which is so depressing, I just thought this one should tip off the balance a bit.

Since my daughter turned 3 (she's turning 6 this month), I always enjoyed watching Barbie movies with her (here's Wiki's complete listing of Barbie movies) . From The Nutcracker to the most recent one we watched, Barbie: A Fairy Secret, I always enjoyed how Barbie transforms into a brave and intelligent girl that we all would like to be. I was even able to apply some of the lessons I learned from these movies in real life, especially when I had to face tough situations.

Here are some of my favorite Barbie movies:

Barbie and The Diamond Castle: Up to now I still catch my self humming or singing the songs in this movie - Two Voices One Song, Connected, We're Gonna Find It, and Believe. All of those songs have inspired me and somehow helped me have a more positive outlook in life.

Barbie and The Three Musketeers: I love this movie because of the stylish fight scenes, especially the part when they sneaked into the castle on order to protect the prince when all the male musketeers are either unconscious or tied up. I also loved one of Barbie's lines in the movie: True courage is pursuing your dream, even when everyone else says it's impossible."

Every time my daughter and I watch Barbie movies, I always hope that these movies would influence my daughter the way they influenced me. I hope that it her early years, she will be able to learn valuable lessons about hope, courage, honesty, kindness and love and that she will be able to use these lessons as she faces tougher things in life.

Merrick is Emo again!

"Life can never be free of pain but God will always give you the means to endure and survive. In the rush of events, you'll see that He's holding your hand at every moment."


I received this message from one of my friends a few days ago. When I received the message, I really wasn't sure if the message will be useful in my life. I just thought that it's something nice to keep in my inbox. But today, I realized that there's a reason why I didn't delete the message.

I've always had problems. Who doesn't anyway? But I've always managed to cope or think of ways to solve my problems. However, I feel really lost and helpless right now. And no matter how I try to come up with a feasible solution to solve my problem, I still can't come up with anything sensible. Add to that the fact that the other person involved does not show any signs of mutual cooperation to resolve the issue.

I don't have anything or anyone else to turn to but God. Yes, I have the option to talk to him about it, that is if he's really willing to sit down so that we can hear each other out and have a real conversation once and for all. I also have the option to seek some advice and guidance from good friends who will not be biased about the situation. But if his mindset about things does not change one bit, we can talk for hours and still not resolve anything.

A few years ago, I felt this way. And after a few months of feeling this way, we parted ways. I'm afraid that the same things are happening all over again. And I'm scared if I can still be brave enough the second time around. That's why I have no option but to turn to God for strength, courage, and wisdom. I know that nothing is impossible through Him and that if I just stay obedient and faithful, He will take care of the rest. I know that right now, He is trying to teach us something, I jsut don't know yet what it is. But I hope and pray I'll find out soon, and I will stay faithful that He'll be with me through it all, just as He has always been.

Lost Sheep

One of the Facebook Apps I really like is one that allows me to supposedly get a message from God on a daily basis. The message I got today was this: 


"On this day, God wants you to know that it's never too late to get back on track. Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light."


While the said app is definitely man-made and made up of probably thousands of inspirational messages meant to motivate people and I know that there is no divine intervention in the said app, thus it can never really be a message coming from God especially for me. I do notice though that more often than not, the messages I get are reflective of what I'm going through for that specific day....


And now, a few more days before I become an employee again, I'm totally lost as to what the message meant. For almost a year, I have continuously convinced myself that I am not supposed to imprison myself on the four corners of my workstation and to commit myself on a 9-hour shift 5 days (or nights) a week. Yet, I now unwillingly find myself a little excited (and nervous) that I will be working again. Why? Because this is the only way I know where I can get a fixed pay just by coming in for work on the scheduled dates and times. Because at this point, this is the only way out for me in order to pay off my loans and to have a decent life where I wouldn't have to rely on the mercy of others in order to live a decent life. Because this is what I have been doing to survive for the past 7 years.


I know that this is really not part of my plans, and I am thankful that I am just giving myself 6 to 9 months to go through something I don't want to do... And when I got "God's message" so to speak, I am quite confused if this refers to my going back to work or if it's referring to another thing.


At this point, I really don't know what to think. I'm just living my life one day at a time. And although I still have no clue as to what God really has in store for me, I'm hoping that I'll soon find out. Probably what the message really meant about going back on track is being able to take control of my life, of my finances, of my obligations, and of everything else. On the other hand, it might mean that I should really get serious in getting back on the road towards God. 


Recently, I've had a few experiences that I cannot explain, but I am still a big work in progress. It's been a while since I've really felt I have a close connection with God. And every time I try to reconnect, I am not able to sustain the connection. 


Right now, I have a few coins in my pocket. I have nothing in my bank account, and I am thankful I have my mom to support me and my family until we get our normal life back. I am still not sure if the decisions I am making are the right ones, but I am just blurting out what's on my mind in the hope that this will help me have a clearer grasp on things and a better understanding of what God really wants to tell me and my husband.


What I have realized at this point is that maybe, God is telling me that I still haven't surrendered everything to Him. I want to, but I still don't trust Him enough to believe that He can give me anything if He wants to and that He has a great plan in store for me and my family if only I let Him manage my life for me.


The next time I speak my mind, I am hoping I would have a better understanding of what I need to do with my life. For now, the best thing I can probably do is to learn how to let go of all my worries and just have complete faith that God has a bigger plan, and that I am one of the major players in His plan.


:)

My First Movie Maker Project

I'm so happy. Blessing in disguise na rin sigurong nasira ang laptop ko a few weeks ago. Dahil sa nangyari, napilitan akong magpa-reinstall (salamat sa aking mahal na Tay) ng bagong Windows at bagong Office...


And finally, nakagamit na ako ng movie maker... Here's my first project na ia-upload ko sa YouTube mamayang konti....

 

I'm sure simula pa  lang ito ng sangkatutak na videos na ia-upload ko soon. Yahoo!!! :)

Fragrant Beginnings

I was on the verge of giving up... I came to a point where I was starting to question the decisions I have made - I wanted to go back to being a salaried professional. In short, I was starting to think that my niche in this world is to commit to a 9-hour job and to taking care of my daughter and husband. I was starting to think that network marketing was not for me, at least not yet.

But now, I feel so blessed that a new opportunity came at my doorstep at just the right time: 3 days before I am scheduled to try my luck as an honored (but poorly compensated) office worker. January 13 marked a new beginning for me. It was when I decided to try my skills in becoming a perfume consultant/distributor.

Within 5 weeks, I can say that I have achieved more than I was able to achieve on my first attempt at starting a business of my own. I am also looking forward to a lot of greater things to come. With me and my husband on the forefront of this battle, along with trusted colleagues who are just as determined to hit it big , I have regained my confidence and composure that I have indeed made the right decision to leave my comfort zone that I know by the name employment and to venture into a totally unknown and unfamiliar field.

A friend of mine said that the road to success is always under construction. The road may be narrow, unfamiliar, scary, and difficult to pass through, but I know that my dreams are at the end of this path that I have decided to take.

Living the Dream

I cannot remember when it started, but all I know is that if I had a lot of money, my greatest dream (aside from being a successful housewife) is to have my own restaurant. I even have the concept for it, I just don't have the skills, expertise, and of course the resources to set it up.

That is why for now, my restaurant is our kitchen, and my customers are my mother, husband, and daughter. Last Christmas eve, I started honing my culinary skills by trying to bake a chocolate cake and cooking Kare-Kare for the first time. Everything went well, I guess.

Earlier, I tried to cook another dish. And before I forget, I am going to put the recipe on record because my mom and husband, and even my 5-year old daughter loved it. Some may call it pacham (pachambahan), but this is my own version of the infamous potato soup:

=======================================================
Chelle's Home-Made Bacon, Mushroom and Potato Soup

4 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium onion, sliced
4 pcs medium-sized potato, cut into cubes
250g bacon, sliced or cut into small pieces
1 big can mushroom (slices or pieces and stems)
1 small can of milk
1/4 cheese
2 cups water
2 tbsp cornstarch mixed with 2 tbsp water
salt and pepper to taste

Preparation:
1. Saute the bacon until it becomes golden brown. Set aside and leave the oil on the pan.
2. Using the oil from the bacon, saute the garlic and the onion. Add the potatoes and cook for 5 to 10 minutes.
3. Add the mushroom and bacon and cook for another 5 minutes.
4. Add the milk, cheese and water. Bring to a boil.
5. Add the cornstarch mixture.
6. Add salt and pepper to taste.

=======================================================

I know I do not have any formal culinary training or experience, and if I am fortunate to be able to live my dream of becoming a restaurant owner in the future, I'll definitely include this (or an improved version) on my menu. I know that it will take at least a few years before I become capable of starting my dream restaurant. So for now, I'll just live my dream by preparing sumptuous meals for my loved ones. 

Bawal Magkasakit!

9 days and still counting... I am still sick and I can't take it. Good thing I do not have to go on  9-6 job and I get to stay at home. I have nothing else to blame but the fumes from the fireworks on New Year's Eve. I should have just followed my instincts and stayed inside the house rather than feast on the colorful lights and the deafening sounds that we are so accustomed to have to welcome the new year.

Where did this tradition come from anyway? Probably I'm going to Google the answer later on, but for now I'm wishing that in the future, we can think of alternative ways to spend the new year without fearing the consequences of such seemingly harmless instruments.

For now, probably for the next few years, I will stick with what I am used to... I am never going out of the house on New Year's eve ever again unless Manila is declared a fireworks-free city. I will just be contented to bang a spoon or a fork on a metal pot cover to make some noise around the house, and I am just going to east my eyes on the fireworks display that will be shown on the television.

I will feel better in a few days, but I will never forget the lesson I've learned the hard way during the onset of 2011. I don't want to be sick again on the first few days of a new year.

Our Time To Shine

I just got home from the 9th anniversary of First Vita Plus. No pictures since we stayed in the upper box level so taking pictures with a low-tech camera would just be a waste of time. Lots of things were going on around me as we were waiting for the announcement of the grand prize winner which is just one cent short of a million - people cuddling up because of the freezing temperature in our area, my seat mate (you know who you are, wink! wink!) starting to get worried because he thinks his wife is thinking he is somewhere else, and people cheering as Lani Misalucha started showing her singing prowess (thanks to Ms. Doyee and Sir Soc for such a wonderful treat).

As all of this are happening, I was sitting quietly, pondering what I am doing there. I cannot honestly hope that I will be the lucky winner of the grand prize. Aside from a PSP and a Timex watch that I won a few years back during a company raffle, I haven't had much luck with this stuff. So, why did I choose to stay and attend such a gathering.

While most people were there to celebrate the fruits of their labor for the past year, I was thinking differently. I had to stay and finish the celebration up to the last second because I would need all the inspiration I can get in order to reach my goals and my dreams once and for all.

True enough, I did not go home with the P999,999.99 grand prize, but I left the celebration with much more than that. I left with lots of hope, faith, and inspiration that I have really made the right decision. I am with the right people, the right product, and the right path in order to fulfill my dream to be able to gain financial and time freedom a few months or a few years from now. I know that if I just keep on believing, if I stay focused, and if I put my all in this endeavor, soon I will be able to spend time with my husband and daughter without worrying about loans, bills, and other expenses. Soon, I will be able to share the same experience with the friends I have encouraged to join me in this path (and those that I have yet to convince).

With patience, faith, perseverance, determination and the most sincere intention to help other people, I know that it is indeed my time -- our time to shine.

The Song of My Heart

I started singing since I was around 5 years old, and to honor that fact, I want to start out by posting a song that is very special to me. But when I started thinking what my favorite song is, I realized that I actually don't have one. If there's one thing about myself that I am sure of, it's that I am very emotional, and my favorite song usually changes depending on what my heaviest emotions are at the moment. So I checked out a blog I used to have featuring my favorite songs and poems just to check if there's any song in there that I could own. If a penguin can have a heart song, then it's not impossible for me to have one as well.

And I was right, after all. I think I found a song that I was able to relate to a few years back, a song that I can still relate to in the present, and a song that can still reflect my emotions when I am old and reminiscing on my deathbed. I even had the following note written on my previous blog for this song:

"NO RUSH


Loving someone does not mean you have to love that person now. Loving someone at the wrong place and at the wrong time usually makes things complicated.


If it's true love, it will withstand time and distance, and even if we need to sacrifice a little, true love does not have to be rushed. Waiting to be at the right place and at the right time to love someone definitely has benefits that we will never get if we hurry love."

I have believed in love since I was a kid. I almost lost faith when my husband and I got separated for a while, but got it back when we were finally able to reconcile. I know that at this point in my life I am not sure where my decisions will lead me, but I am sure that if my brain does not have the capacity to lead me to the right path, my heart will be able to compensate. I am not sure if this will really be my heart song until the day I die, but for now I think it is.

For those who don't know Basia's Time and Tide, let me share the video and the lyrics of the song:










TIME AND TIDE
by Basia

Yeah

It's hard for me to stop my heart
Love never knows when the time is right
I don't want to hurt anybody
But I can't help lovin' you

I never felt like this before
I know there's a special place worth waiting for
Let life takes it course
That's the only thing for us to do, yeah

We've got time, oh baby, there's no rush
Gonna be a better day for us
Hang on and I will wait for you
Our love will always stay as good as new
Time and tide
Nothin' and no one can stop us now
For better, for worse
This time I'm sure
It's gonna last

How can I stop my heart
Love never knows when the time is right
I don't want to hurt anybody
I don't wanna make them cry
Don't wanna make them cry

We've got time, oh baby, there's no rush
Gonna be a better day for us
Hang on and I will wait for you
Our love will always stay as good as new
Time and tide
Nothin' and no one can stop us now
For better, for worse
This time I'm sure
It's gonna last

hey, hey, hey

It's a matter of time, yeah
Only a matter of time,
Just a matter of time...

Time and tide
Nothin' and no one can stop us now
For better, for worse
This time I'm sure
It's gonna last
Gonna last forever!

We've got time, oh baby, there's no rush
Gonna be a better day for us
Hang on and I will wait for you

My Purple Haven

I have been learning the ropes of blogging since 2008 However, I have to admit that I did it for the wrong reasons. I let the side of me that's craving for material satisfaction win. So, almost three years after I ventured into this world, I have parts and parcels of me scattered all over the place.


I started a blog featuring my favorite songs. I have a blog about my favorite author. I have a blog about my online money-making ventures, and so on and so forth. But I don't update them anymore. Not because I don't have anything to write about, but because I simply don't know where to start.


It took me a couple of months of pondering to finally realize why I suddenly lack the motivation to write. It's not because I lost my writing skills; it's not because I don't have anything to write about. It's because for the longest time I have been writing for the wrong reasons, and in a way I lost myself in the process.


A few years back, I can look any person in the eye and tell him or her what I really want in life. But now, I can't even face myself in the mirror and know what I really want to achieve in my life. I still don't know what's in store for me I am not sure if the new year spells a new beginning for me, but I sure hope that before the year ends, I will be able to go back to my roots, appreciate the blessings I currently have, and know what lies ahead. And I hope I can have things figured out soon.


So, as a start, I am going to make things right once and for all, and keep a little virtual space to myself which I can also share with the people who are significant in my life, hoping that in the process I will be able to  know what I really want and what I am really meant to do in this world.


Purple has been my favorite color since I was a teenager. It has been a source of inspiration for me during my moments of confusion and despair, and I hope setting up my own purple haven will allow me to find the right path soon...